This is not the end By The Bravery

I have not heard this song in such a while... and the lyrics "This is not the end" kept popping up in my head all week when I thought of Kara. So crazy, then I listened to it and it just made sense. The words have such a great impact... Please listen to it if you can.

I don't know most of Kara's friends but the few she hung out with on a regular basis knew that we were extremely close as cousins and as good friends. Chris, I read the previous post and it really did make me cry, I remember when she was visiting you a few months ago. It's great to see that Kara was loved by everyone and she has such amazing friends. Our whole family could not have done all the work that all her friends contributed. Especially with the slideshow, pictures, taking things to get printed, and all the picture collages... Thanks everyone for making this a truly memorable event. The news shocked the rest of our family and I still have a hard time believing she's gone... in my heart I truly still feel her there. The whole week has been so hazy and such a blur... I was there at her house and I kept looking for her out of habit... every time I would come over in the last few years, it was a routine. But then I realized she wasn't there anymore, and it was so weird to think we would never have these amazing conversations about life and love and relationships.... is what we talked about. I was so proud of her for studying so hard for her boards and passing it the first time she took the exam, she was so worried that she didn't. All the times she helped babysit Izaiah and the last few times she would pick him up after school at Hickmann Elementary... he still remembers the time he spent with his Auntie Kara.

My heart is so heavy, but I know her... she would want everyone to have happy memories of her and to only remember the good times. She was all about good times! She never was rude or negative to anybody... She said what she wanted to say. We had the most open, most heartfelt relationship... we never left anything unsaid between us... so in a sense there were no regrets because there were no secrets between us... there wasn't anything that I held back from saying... she could always sense that I had something to tell her. Its crazy... I'm really spiritual and I believe in reincarnation, destiny, and the soul's purpose... I really believe that Kara's life purpose was about love. The last few months when she was traveling to LA back and forth studying and taking review classes for her boards... I really felt like she was leaving us... I would visit and she wouldn't be there and I'd sleep on her bed and I always got this weird sense that she was going somewhere and I didn't know where. So of course I ignore my intuition. If there's something you should all know is that I operate on my sixth sense... yes I'm psychic but I cannot predict your future! Lol. I don't care who knows it anymore. Everyone has some form of psychic energy but they don't always tap into them. Emotions and visions are really spontaneous and random.... my senses are wide awake and growing at a faster speed that its always telling me something that I always just ignore. The whole week before Kara's accident I could not sleep at all! I would wake up at exactly 2:01, 2:10, 2:31 am and I just felt so uneasy that something was going to happen... the night before the accident at 2am monday morning I woke up from a bad dream... I was crying in my dream and woke up crying. My chest was heaving and painful when I woke up and I didn't know why I was feeling this... it was some sort of premonition. One of my aunts who's visiting from the Philippines saw a psychic in February and asked when she would come to the U.S. again, and she kept telling her soon in a few months... and she was like no I'm planning next year, and they psychic was like it's not going to be pretty and my aunt said she didn't want to know what. I really felt like it was written in the stars. I had a dream of her in April before she met Ron... I told her that I had a dream she would be dating someone soon, in my dream I saw her getting to know a guy and going out on dates and the guy looked smitten in my dream. So when she told me about Ron it was a weird deja vu...I kept telling her take it easy and take it slow... and she really did this time around want to do things right and enjoy the moment.

Sometimes we only see what's in front of us... we don't ever dare venture into the unknown... maybe because of pre conceived notions, ideas, and beliefs that we grew up learning. No one ever wants to think that there is some higher force working, a bigger picture and a bigger reality of how things and events play out in our lives. I really do feel like she touched so many hearts that she left such a big imprint in each and every one of us that will never die... she wanted to be remembered in this way... the joyous, fun-loving individual she was. I love her so much, it still hurts but I know in time the pain will fade.

Love never dies... even in death. We should cherish all the love that is still in our life... she would want us to.




Tell me
Come on tell me what you can
Even as you wait for death you're wiser than I am
Tell me what does it mean to exist
I am not a scientist I must believe in more than this
And I can not accept
That everything is real
Is only what our eyes can see
And our hands can feel

[chorus:]
Not even earth can hold us
Not even life controls us
Not even the ground can keep us down
The memories in my head
Are just as real the time we spent
You always be close to me
My friend
This is not the end

I see
I can see you're so afraid
You wear it like a silver hood on you even fear looks good
I wish I wish I had some words to give
But all I can think to say
Is I'll be with you everyday

[chorus]
Not even earth can hold us
Not even life controls us
Not even the ground can keep us down
The memories in my head
I just realized the time we spent
You'll always be close to me
My friend
This is not the end

La la la la la
This is not the end
La la la l al la
This is not the end

I don't care
I don't care what you believe
As long as you are in my heart
You're just as real as me
Maybe even more
Someone has touched so many lives
Can never never die



--- Diane