Dear Kara,

The moment I heard about what happened keeps replaying over and over in my mind.  Each time I run it back I think if I try hard enough I can create a different ending, but each time I struggle to accept the reality of it.  I was at work when I found out and you know how easily I cry, so I was an instant mess and I excused myself to my truck.  I know you'd tell me to, "suck it up and be a man," but I was so mad on my drive home. Mad that I couldn't change the course of events that took you from us, mad that we weren't going to be able to catch up like we planned, mad that you were gone and I could never have you back.  I know I shouldn't be mad because there are so many memories and moments I've shared with you that make me happy.  I know you're not really gone and that we can always talk, but I guess the selfishness in me is yearning for your physical presence.

Remember how we'd say, "I swear if you were a guy, I'd marry you?"  If you were Kara, I really would!  You are the keeper of all my deepest secrets.  You accept and understand me like no other girl does.  Time and distance is never a determinant of how strong our friendship is. Chris + Kara know no boundaries in the realm of friendships.  We never judge each other and we always tell it like it is.  The friendship I share with you is as real as it gets.  I can't even count how many of my bad decisions you've been there to help clean up or tell me that I can get through it and I always believe you because you always believe in me.  

We have so many great memories and I'm so thankful that they all make me laugh.  You never believed me when I said, "Laurie thinks you're the funniest girl she's ever met," but it's true.  My roommates and I spent some time talking and laughing about the times you shared with the three of us up here.  Laurie and Rizza both remember the fun night we had when you came up and went to Hush with us.  Casey remembers you as the "girl that kept taking pictures for us."  Derrick remembers you as "the girl that dances crazy from Bar D."  Haha. Those memories have Kara written all over them.  Remember how that same weekend we shared my bed and slept in my electric blanket and you wanted one so bad so we went to the store and bought you your own, then went back to my house and napped in the middle of the day with one blanket under us and one blanket on top, BOTH on HIGH heat?!  We were so weak from heat exhaustion that we just kept going back to sleep!  Kara, only you appreciate and share my love for electric blankets at maximum heat capacity, even in the Spring!

It's all so unreal that I feel like I could just call you right now or text you.  I already miss how we'd text each other all day just to get through a dreaded day at work or school.  Remember how I wanted to blog like you did, but you were the only one that had the password to read it?!  Maybe this time I'll share this blog with everyone else that loves you because there's so much to say about you.  You would never believe how many people care about you, Kara, but that's only because you are always so excessively modest.

We are so good to each other and I know you know that.  The biggest fights we've had usually pertain to why one of us is being more self-less than the other!  You have the biggest heart, Kara, always putting other people before yourself no matter how big or small the pain or struggle you have to endure.  No one makes me laugh like you do, seriously.  You're humor is so unique to who you are and it's what's going to get me through these times.  I'm going to stay strong for the both of us and for everyone that loves you.  But I can't promise I won't break down.  When I do I have our memories to pick me up again.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH KARA and I'm happy because I know you always fully understand how deep our love goes.  Every relationship should be as mutual and honest as ours is.  Thank you for blessing me with your love and friendship each and every day.  You're my mom and dad's "second daughter" and the sister I never had.  I miss you Kara and I will never stop missing you.

Love,

Chris

You are a fighter just like the love of your life, Mr. Lance Armstrong.  The footprint you left in each one of our hearts will help us all LIVESTRONG.

"Pain is temporary.  Quitting lasts forever."

- Lance Armstrong